Looking through some of my writing from China and realized I never posted this from
April 23, 2013:
I am trying to get more creative with my writing, since I am
teaching writing and having to be out of necessity. J I went back and read
my journal from March 2nd and 3rd (days 4 and 5 in
China), and felt incredibly blessed to have been reading this chapter. It was a
good reminder to start my semester. Sorry if you are lost at this point.
Hopefully you will figure it out soon.
I remember so many times in college, and post college when very
gratuitous individuals and families have invited me out to dinner or into their
homes. How welcomed I felt and how well they hosted me. I had nothing to offer
them in return other than thankfulness. During these times sometimes there was
a need for feeling a part of a group, and other times it was a physical need of
somewhere to stay. Either way, they always fostered the sense of being a member
of their family and demonstrated selfless sharing of what our Father had given
them. (Thanks James’, Knott’s, Humphreys’, Carroll’s, Supko and so many others)
Reading about banquets and invitations and guests: Invite
the poor, the crippled, the lame, and the blind. What would this look like? How
would you feel with these people in your home? What would your neighbors think?
All these questions run through your mind. But really what questions run
through our Father’s mind when he invites us to his table? You are my
beloved…who else would I invite?
Wow! Right?! My goal is to love like this. I want my heart
to automatically want to invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, and the blind
without thinking twice about it. For now, it is a conscious choice but it is a
choice made out of love. Practically what does this look like, I am working
that out. Here I think the easy way, is to cling to the higher level students
because they are easier to communicate with (language wise). I am working on
building friendships with the students in my classes, who I may have to play
charades with more often for them to understand me, but they are the ones a lot
of people have decided are too hard, too privileged or too uninterested to
care.
More to come on Luke’s 14th birthday J
The cost of following someone else is huge. I love how this
follows humility. Being selfless, and loving others first. Then giving up
everything you have is easier (maybe this just makes sense to me). “Don’t begin
until you count the cost” I took this to heart my 4th day here and
made a long list of the costs of teaching in China. And it was interesting as I
was writing this list, it was not painful as you may think it would be. It was
a joyful process. I know this is a huge change of heart, and something the
Father has worked on a lot the past couple of years in me. It goes back to an
example, the wise Mr. Toney shared with our group one night. This is a rough
paraphrase: You should not keep the things you are given in closed fists, but
in open palms; yes now they can be taken away, but you can also be given new
things. Also it goes to knowing who gives us good things, our Father; and
ultimately he is just entrusting me with his things, everything is actually
owned by Him.
Believe me, even writing this seems a little unreal. But
really a joyful process. The story about building reminds me of when my friend
Nehemiah was building too(thanks Katie for reminding me of this story).
It is true that you would not start building a house or
other building without knowing how much it cost, how long it will take, and if
you have the right resources to complete. Two thoughts about this: 1.)We should
know all of these answers through complete (100%) trust. We may not know the
details, but that is the Architect’s job. However we can be sure, that if we
are supposed to build a house, start a new job, or move halfway around the
world that we need to consider the cost and what we need. What we need is the
fruit. With the fruit, we should be sure we can complete the work set before
us. 2.) Then we need to DO. Go construct the building once you have the
resources.
But you cannot do this without giving up everything (living
with your palms open). I am still working on the everything part, but allowing
Him to refine me is part of growth.
Some costs I wrote upon coming to China:
Ease of driving to Jax to see my family, supportive
community in Brandon, financial security , my dog Rory may forget who I am,
wonderful coworkers and children, 7th grade girls group, delayed
future plans etc………
These among others may have weighed on my heart as a
cost(price), but the final product or ending is so much greater!!
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